whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
