Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
