u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
