i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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