I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
