Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
