And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
