Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
