If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
