i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
