I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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