i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
