In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
