We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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