i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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