my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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