dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
