It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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