k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize