i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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