My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
not ubering you a puppy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
