I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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