Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's blow job season.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
