this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
