You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
