You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
