I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
