i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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