maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
