You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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