he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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