just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
