That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
