That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
