I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
