You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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