To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
