dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
