I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
