get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
