Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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