So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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