I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize