Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
