oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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