i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
