When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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