i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drake has all the answers
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
