Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
