What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
