I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
