I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
