you traded sex for a burrito?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
