Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
