you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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