took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
