We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
