I just made out with a guy for $7.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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