i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I AM VODKA MAN
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
