Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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