If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
